La Poulette

Tastes like chicken.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

I like to call it the margarine of tax.

Apart from never having to join the ranks of taxpaying citizens, another perk of the Eurocracy is the fact of free language courses. During working hours (je gloate). So every Tuesday and Thursday I trudge off to the Commission for my 2 hour French course with a bunch of other Eurocrats. The regulars include a couple of generic Italians, the obligatory dumb brunette (minus the good looks in this case, but my hands just itch to slap her every time she opens her cakehole), a Greek who finds every mildly humorous sentence uttered in class disproportionately funny and a red faced German in a short-sleeved shirt with a breast pocket where he likes to keep his collection of pens. Practical, you know. Before you grimance in sympathy let me assure you, I'm entirely used to all this by now! Hell, I hardly notice it anymore! However my experience in class the other day gave me some major food for thought.

First: Italian stallion next to me inquires after my mother tongue and when I reply Slovenian, he's all oh so then you speak Czech too? I say that in fact, no, I don't. He thinks this over and triumphantly remembers that Slovenia actually borders on Italy. He beams. I think: whadda ya want bambino, a pat on the back? A gold star? But apparently he has other plans. He hands me a flyer for a Salsa party with a sleazy Joey Tribianni see YOU there grin, utterly nonplused, breathtakingly unashamed about his recent demonstration of stupidity. I know, better bloggers than moi have already attempted to shed more light on the eternal Slovenia-Slovakia mix-up. But in the very cradle of the EU? Have things really gotten this bad?

Second: our teacher asks us to make a little show-and-tell presentation about any subject we choose. It's the Greek jester's turn and his presentation focuses on his stamp and coin collection. Don't get me wrong, I was quite the stamp collector myself once upon a time - but that was when I was 9 and had no life. This guy is in his early fifties and he talks about his stamps and coins as though they were his first-born children. As I'm suppressing a guffaw at the sheer ridiculousness of this notion, I notice that everyone else is intently absorbed in his tale. And oh, it gets worse. Because when the teacher asks whether anyone else has a similar hobby, turns out they all do. There's the Middle Eastern guide book collector on the far right. The old postcard collector in the back. And although he stays quiet as a mouse, the bearded guy in front of me is meticulously collecting dandruff on his lapels, I'm sure of it.

The Poulette concludes in quiet resignation: welcome to the Eurocracy, bitch! The tax-free life? All myth. You pay your dues all right, just in different form.

14 Comments:

  • At 10/14/2005 01:53:00 AM, Blogger crni said…

    I collect midget porn. Is that bad?

     
  • At 10/14/2005 09:29:00 AM, Anonymous rainbow warrior said…

    lol, Crni, you so nasty! I can picture La Poulette only too well when opening the link - a sudden OMG, followed by an immediate closing of the page, hihi. You see, she is somewhat anal retentive when it comes to porn. But I bid you continue!

     
  • At 10/14/2005 10:21:00 AM, Anonymous exibit b said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 10/14/2005 12:19:00 PM, Blogger peter said…

    sorry to've missed that one.
    what was it again, (just a wild guess) crni?

     
  • At 10/14/2005 01:06:00 PM, Blogger Poulette said…

    Crni: in fact, your little disclosure fails to shock me. That's what I call bad.

    RW: perhaps that's a tad more info than you need to share with the good people out there. And perhaps you shall soon be banished from commenting if you continue to tarnish the Poulette's flawless reputation further. Muahahahahahahaha! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Peter: you snooze you lose, baby! For the record, I would never censor comments, it was removed at the request of the author.

     
  • At 10/14/2005 01:43:00 PM, Anonymous rainbow warrior said…

    You contemplate banishing me? And lose your foulmouthed sidekick? Cum cum now…

    Besides, I only said you were a prude when it comes to porn (which you are, there's no denying that), albeit I said it à la RW, I grant you that. And that could hardly be considered as divulging personal information, you're not the only one (but in the good company of the likes of Miša Molk, Oprah...).

     
  • At 10/14/2005 06:47:00 PM, Blogger crni said…

    Well I could've said that I liked dressing up as a fairy or wearing a skirt, but then I'd just be lying. What I really, really like, is collecting cute bunny rabbits, though. Speaking of bunnies, I will bet dollars to doughnuts that your middle aged dandruff-collector is really a Poufbunny. Is this him?

    Won't it be much easier to go to class with these mental images in your mind?

    BTW, that deleted comment - wasn't me.

     
  • At 10/14/2005 11:07:00 PM, Anonymous rainbow warrior said…

    OR... maybe it was Miss Lady Bunny. (wow, kudos to me, I've just learnt HTML language!) Oufff, all the linking I'll be able to do from now on... Crni beware! (as if...)

     
  • At 10/16/2005 03:39:00 AM, Blogger Doug Bagley said…

    Makes paying Uncle Sam seem less painful.

     
  • At 10/17/2005 08:00:00 AM, Blogger peter said…

    @poulette:
    but I thought it went "you snooze you enjoy". you probably ment "you snooze you get loose"?

    nice policy. still, removing at request of the author shouldn't be granted scot-free.
    what's better to snooze at than a commentator trying to make up for a shameful slip

     
  • At 10/17/2005 09:01:00 AM, Blogger peter said…

    for axample, sneaking is what I had in mind and was talking about from the beginning, not snoozing.
    but what can I do now when it's too late...

     
  • At 10/17/2005 11:34:00 AM, Anonymous exhibit b said…

    Dear all, for the sanity of your minds (Crni's excluded) and for peace of my own mind, I take all the blame for the »delated comment affair«.
    MEA CULPA I say.

     
  • At 10/17/2005 01:27:00 PM, Blogger Poulette said…

    Doug: No doubt.

    Peter: you seem to have gotten yourself tangled into some strange web of your own making, that no one is quite capable of untangling. But fear not, the Poulette loves you for joining the ranks of her commenters just the same!

    Exhibit B: ah, the mystery woman has come out of hiding. Welcome to my humble abode!

     
  • At 10/17/2005 10:40:00 PM, Blogger peter said…

    I blew it, big time.
    Snooze - sneak - oh, the fauxest of passes.
    The "axample" can hardly compare...

    This can't be untangled without deleting certain comments, but never mind, I wouldn't even want that. I can handle a few well-deserved laughs and even worried sighs.

    In the end, let me show you I can be constructive.

     

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